Sarcastic Captions and Quotes for Instagram

Sarcasm is fun rolled up inside an attitude. Unless you are not intended to be sarcastic, there is nothing to be gained by using sarcasm. Not many people are capable of properly using sarcasm. Your way of saying things, your timing, and how you say them determine your success.

For sarcasm to be effective, details are crucial, otherwise, the recipient will deem you rude! Here’s a list of sarcastic captions and quotes you can use for your Instagram posts! Pick the best one from the list for any picture you want to caption!

Best Sarcastic Captions

Sarcasm is a very entertaining form of expression. However, it can also be incredibly quick-witted. Funny and serious sarcasm combine into one flaming blast of sarcasm that will make people remember you for a long time. It may be difficult to find a combination like that, but we managed to dig some up for you. Here are some of the best sarcastic captions to spice up your Instagram.

• Sarcasm is my love language
• Sarcasm: because beating someone with a blunt object is illegal
• Sarcasm: because saying what you really mean is too mainstream
• I use my sarcastic wit to avoid real human interaction
• Sarcasm: because it’s easier than crying
• Sarcasm: because saying ‘nice’ and meaning ‘terrible’ is more fun
• Sarcasm: because pretending to be interested is too much work
• Sarcasm: because sometimes the truth hurts
• Sarcasm: because honesty is overrated
• Sarcasm: because life’s too short to be serious all the time
• Actually, the entire universe does revolve around me!
• Perhaps, I’m not made of sugar and spice, but of sarcasm and brazenness.
• Forgive and forget? I’m neither God nor an amnesiac.
• Always remember that if you’re no good, then you can still be used as a bad example.
• Even the devil stops working just to admire my work.
• Just because my intelligence is beyond your understanding doesn’t mean I’m sarcastic.
• Every so often, I meet people and feel bad for their pets.
• Not a bad person. But dangerously atrocious, nonetheless.
• Hush, nobody cares!
• Not sarcastic. Just brutally honest.
• Let’s keep the bullsh*t to a minimum today, okay?
• Deep inside, I know that my heart is golden. But this mouth of mine? That’s another story.
• Why am I always late? Because good things always take time.
• Indeed, sarcasm falls out of my mouth just as stupid falls from other people.
• Tell me how I have upset you. For future reference, mostly.
• What? I don’t speak idiot!
• Unfortunately, I don’t take orders. I hardly even take suggestions.
• You don’t fancy me? Well, it does take good judgment and a classy pair of discerning eyes to do so.
• People think I’m funny, but I’m really not. I’m actually pretty mean, but they always think I’m joking.
• My favorite kind of people are those who reply to my sarcasm with their sarcasm.
• People talk behind my back, and I’m just here like: “Wow, I’ve got a fan club!”
• If I light you a candle and offer you flowers, will you go away?
• In many instances, I wish I had enough middle fingers to go around with.
• Excuse me, I know this is hell, but may I ask which floor?
• The smarter you are, the nicer I am.
• Ever wondered why I don’t have a welcome mat at my door? It’s because I’m not a liar.
• Don’t let anyone tell you that you’re not in shape. By the end of the day, “round” is still a shape.
• Who says I’m crazy? The voices keep reassuring me that I’m perfectly sane.
• Will I be awarded bonus points if I act like I’m actually concerned?
• My circle of connections is really small! One time, I almost cut myself off of it.
• Why attend someone’s funeral if they aren’t going to attend yours?
• Check back in about five years. By then, maybe I’ve started to care.
• Cancel my subscription! Your issues are not worth my time and effort.
• When I asked God for divine punishment, I met you the next day.
• Do you know what I like about humans? Their dogs.
• Curing the world one sarcastic comment at a time.
• Being hated and ignored makes my life a whole lot easier to manage.
• Stopped fighting my inner demons long ago. We’re on the same side now.
• Find your calm before I totally lose mine.
• The devil doesn’t need to lead me into temptation because I already know the way.
• I really want to be a nice person, but this mouth of mine never cooperates.
• If there’s trouble wherever you go, then guess what?
• The reason why I take hot showers is so that I can get used to the feeling of burning in hell.
• Oh, look what I found! It’s your nose all up in my goddamn business again!
• For some reason, you look really when my eyes are closed.

Funny Sarcastic Captions

A sarcastic comment expresses wit. The thing about wit is that it can be intelligent, but most of the time it’s funny. It’s a way to make fun of something subtly, so that it doesn’t seem obvious until you look closely at the true intent. Simply by the way sarcastic remarks are phrased, a lot of hilarious scenes can be created. Use these funny sarcastic captions for your IG posts to make your friends laugh today!

• If I haven’t pissed you off yet, just wait for your turn patiently. I will get to you shortly.
• Here you go! It’s a bowl of sarcasm.
• Losing ten pounds is a piece of cake! Only fifteen pounds to go!
• The garbage collector is coming tomorrow. Ready yourself.
• Closed minds should come with closed mouths, right?
• Sorry if I pissed you off. Rest assured that it will happen again.
• And here we go f*cking again! I mean good day to all of you.
• Only you can provide what I desperately want—your absence.
• Who says I’m supposed to be the same person I was seven minutes ago?
• Beating up people is illegal, so yeah, let’s just use sarcasm.
• Just burned a lot of calories trying to avoid someone. What a great workout!
• Would you look at that! My imaginary friend has arrived at the conclusion that you have serious mental problems.
• Lord, give the strength to tolerate stupid people today.
• Somewhere in the world, my soulmate is pushing a push door. I just know it!
• People should appreciate the gargantuan effort I put in to not becoming a homicidal maniac.
• Better grab my dumbrella. It’s raining stupid outside today.
• Apparently, rock bottom has a basement.
• Zombies love devouring brains. Don’t worry, you’re safe.
• This is my cup of care. Oh, would you look at that! It’s empty!
• Life is a soup and I’m a frigging fork!
• Here, hold my dignity. I’ve got some sketchy things to do.
• My parents raised no fools! They raised a psychotic, cold-hearted, sexy beast, yeah, but definitely not a fool.
• Talking to myself. Because who else will?
• Too sober for all the sh*t that’s happening today.
• Once I finish tinkering this device that lets you smack people in the face over the internet, I’ll be filthy rich!
• Sometimes, I question my sanity. Occasionally, it replies.
• Clapping not because I liked it, but because it’s finally over.
• They give me questions I don’t know, so I give them answers they don’t know.
• Every person on Earth has the right to be stupid, but some are really abusing the privilege.
• You call this fat? I call it a 1-pack!
• Money talks, and mine keeps bidding me farewell.
• Of course I speak gibberish! How else would you be able to understand me?
• Fortunately, mirrors can’t talk. You should be thankful that they can’t laugh either.
• Life is really good. You should get one.
• Go to hell? But it’s too early for me to go home.
• Everything I love either costs too much, is prohibited, or doesn’t message back.
• Yawning is a sign that I’m interested. So go on, keep talking.
• Let’s share. You take the grenade, I take the pin.
• Sarcasm is my mother tongue.
• Laughter can cure the world, so go out there and show your face for everyone to see!
• A long time ago, there was me living a happy and peaceful life. And then sh*it happened!
• Revenge doesn’t suit my style. I prefer accidents.
• Slapping idiots would be animal abuse, so I try to restrain myself.
• I’m not late. I’m just early for tomorrow.
• Just as stupidity is infinite, sarcasm also is.

Sarcastic Captions For Selfies

• My alone time is for your own safety.
• If your phone doesn’t ring, that’s probably me.
• Come closer and look at my face. Does it look like I care?
• Do you find me saucy and offensive? Then I suggest you quit finding me.
• Perhaps I’m wrong? But, I doubt it.
• Feed your own ego. I’m busy!
• Think I’m mean, audacious, and sarcastic? Well, watch me pretend to care!
• Patience is a virtue. Not my virtue though.
• Why do people say I act like I don’t care? I’m not acting!
• Did it really hurt when I called you stupid? Again, I’m really sorry. I thought you knew all along.
• Notify me when I’m starting to look like I care. I really don’t want to give off the wrong impression.
• Oh, no one told you? Perhaps, it’s none of your damn business!
• What doesn’t kill you, disappoints me profoundly!
• Calm? Me? But I’ve murdered you inside my mind a hundred times already!
• Flattered that you’re jealous of me.
• Remember when I asked for your sentiments? Me neither.
• One thing I know is sarcasm is a painful euphemism.
• Last time I checked, I didn’t care about anything. And nope, I still don’t care.
• Be my guest and leave.
• Just because I look indifferent doesn’t mean I don’t understand.
• What a beautiful day to just leave me the f*ck alone.
• Woah, I almost gave a f*ck! Scared the sh*t out of me!
• My loyalty can never be bought. It can be rented through. Just name the price!
• People will ask stupid questions no matter what. I guess it’s my legal obligation to offer them sarcastic remarks.
• I would certainly be a morning person if I woke up in the morning.
• Becoming religious means I can now pray for my enemies to burn in eternal hellfire.
• Keep rolling your eyes. Perhaps you’ll find a brain back there.
• Does running out of f*cks count as cardio?
• Agreeing with an idiot means we’d both be wrong.
• You don’t like me? Oh sh*t, no way! I’m gonna die! I can’t live like this! Just kidding.
• Everyone would be in good shape if they ran as much as their mouth.
• Go ahead, underestimate me. I’m sure it’ll be fun.
• Disagree with me all you want. Being right doesn’t mean everything.
• Mahmud Ahsan, CC0, via Unsplash
• You find the words that come out of your mouth offensive? Ha! Imagine all the stuff that I’m still holding back.
• My sarcastic retorts are free of charge! Come get yours now!
• Even when you’re not here, I feel just as miserable. It’s like you’re here.
• Pretending to like people is taking a toll on my energy reserves.
• Shut your trap when you’re speaking to me.
• I find it funny, but I’ve forgotten how to laugh. Damn!
• If karma doesn’t hit you like a truck, I’ll be willing to hit you like an airplane.
• Unless you’re an internet search engine, it’d be wise to stop acting like you know everything.
• Everyone sounds better when their mouths are shut tight.
• Ready in five minutes? Me? I doubt it.
• Am I a hot mess? Nope, I’m a spicy disaster!
• Always an awkward moment when your sarcasm is so advanced that it makes you look stupid.

Epic Sarcastic Quotes

Sarcasm is a form of humor that is sneering. The following sarcastic sayings are a must-read for sarcastic lovers interested in this particular type of humor. Our collection of epic sarcastic quotes includes quotations from famous people as well as anonymous authors.

• “Going to church doesn’t make you Christian; any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.”
• “Yet despite the look on my face… you are still talking.”
• “Sarcasm: because beating the crap outta people is illegal.”
• “Money doesn’t make you happy. I have 50 million dollars now but I was just as happy when I only had 48 million.”
• “Sometimes I need what only you can provide: your absence.”- Ashleigh Brilliant
• “Sarcasm is a body’s natural defense against stupid.”
• “Sarcasm – the ability to insult idiots without them realizing it.”
• “The awkward moment when your sarcasm is so advanced that people actually think you are stupid.”
• “I’m not insulting you. I’m describing you.”
• “Sarcasm: because arguing with stupid people just wouldn’t be as much fun.”
• “My ex had one very annoying habit :Breathing.”
• “I don’t hate you, I’m just not necessarily excited about your existence.”
• “Find your patience before I lose mine.”
• “Why you hire a photographer:That phone pic you took of yourself in your bathroom mirror really isn’t doing you justice.”
• “Just because I don’t care doesn’t mean I don’t understand.”
• “Sarcasm is the secret language that everyone uses when they want to say something mean to your face.”
• “Generally speaking, you aren’t learning much when your lips are moving.”
• “I’m not sarcastic. I’m just beyond your understanding.”
• “If you don’t want a sarcastic answer, then don’t ask a stupid question.”
• “If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably worth it.”

Biju Debnath

Meet Biju Debnath, the founder and editor of Swag Captions. He started the blog in 2019 and continues to manage it to this day. With over 5 years of experience writing social media captions, he has been successful in making this blog the largest free Instagram Caption provider site in the industry.